Why does everything have to take so darn long?

No new news to report - the case worker for the girls has not been "able" to reach the grandmother or to get more info / answers to my questions. Clearly this is not an emergency placement. It is not clear if grandma has changed her mind and wants to parent or what is going on? The case worker has told my agency that we will not be able to meet this week about the girls. I pray they are safe and being loved on during this time of celebration.
I have to admit I am having a bit of a pity party! I just want something to work out and to have something to celebrate myself! I am so sick of waiting! I'm struggling...too many disappointments....it really shouldn't be this hard to become a mom....should it? UGH!

Next Week

The meeting today went very well. They are planning to speak with the girls' grandmother and let her know they have a family in mind. They are hoping if she knows they are actively looking for a family that she will be willing to keep the girls for now. Unfortunately, the social worker did not have the answers to many of the questions we asked. She said she will spend some time this week trying to get the answers and we will meet again next week to cover this situation in more detail. They would like me to consider moving the girls at the end of next week!
No big red flags! I am cautiously excited!
More to come.....
Merry Christmas!

An Unexpected Turn of Events

It's the season of Advent - waiting for the Messiah - who shows up as a baby, born to a virgin in one of the most unexpected places a stable. So why shouldn't I expect the unexpected?

My social worker called me Friday afternoon to ask if I would consider an emergency placement of sisters aged three and five years old, they need a foster-to-adopt placement before Christmas? Oh my goodness? I had just wrapped my brain around not hearing anything until at least January.

In an effort not to miss out on God's unexpected plans for my life, I said....ummmm....OK. So tomorrow I will be meeting with my social worker, the girls' social worker and guardian ad litem to discuss this opportunity and whether or not it is a good fit for all of us?

My sister told Syd on Friday night. On Saturday am when I came downstairs she wanted to talk to me. "Auntie, you won't have time for me anymore if you adopt these girls. And I don't know anything about being a big sister." As she told me these things she burst into tears. Heartbreaking. We talked about this for awhile and I reassured her that I will always make time for her.

I have spent the weekend flipping back and forth between sheer excitement to have two little girls to celebrate Christmas with and sheer terror at the same prospect - not at the being a mom part, but being ready in just a few short days! Ack!

I am a mess of conflicting emotions and thoughts. Praying continually, and trying to remain open to whatever God might have in mind.

When I got home this afternoon from lunch with a friend, hanging on my door were two of Syd's favorite dresses that don't fit her anymore, with a note pinned to them...."Auntie, do you think the five year old might like this dress?" signed Sydney. What a sweetie!

Just a few minutes ago Syd came into my room...."Auntie, I got over it." After she noticed my puzzled look she said, "I got over being scared that I don't know how to be a big sister."

Sigh.....God is at work. If you happen to think of me tomorrow at 11am please pray for wisdom, discernment and most importantly that God would make it clear!

The Latest....

Sadly, I have no new news to share on the domestic adoption front. I received this update from my adoption agency.

She writes, "I'm just touching base to let you know that in recent weeks we haven't found any little girls who meet your requirements regarding age, ethnicity, and needs. This time of year is typically slow in terms of adoptive placements, because of the emotions surrounding the holidays and the additional stress for children if they have to move during this time. So I don't expect anything much to happen until after the first of the year.

We know the wait is hard. Please know that we're always looking, telling caseworkers about you, and following every lead."

Certainly not the news I would like to hear, but I appreciate the update nonetheless.

News, but not...

the news I was hoping for. I just got a call from my friend Kris who knows the birth mom. P's aunt and uncle have come forward and would like to adopt her baby. I am really happy for P. and her baby and yet devastated just the same. What a roller coaster. P. asked Kris to tell me that if something falls through with her aunt and uncle she would definitely want me to parent. Sweet that she would want me to know that. And yet, it doesn't dull the ache or take away the tears - another disappointment.
Lord, I don't understand, but I trust You.

No surprise...

I'm still waiting. P. has not made a decision, but wanted me to know she is still thinking of me. I know it must be an agonizing decision for her - who will parent her baby? It is agonizing for me too....who will be my second daughter? Would it be possible to bring home Moonbeam sometime before she leaves for college? And is there any way this waiting in general could just ....oh I don't know.....END!!!!!!!

At Least Two More Weeks

I wish I could give the details, but the bottom line is that I won't know if the birth mom (P.) has chosen me to parent for at least two more weeks.

Long, heavy sigh...

My friend, Kris, who knows P., says that P. asked her to let me know that she hasn't forgotten me and that she will be making her final decision in fifteen days. I really appreciated the update, even though it wasn't the news I was hoping for. At least it wasn't bad news.

I am praying for P. - praying that she will have clarity and peace as she makes this decision. Praying for her health and the health and development of the baby. Praying for her other children. Praying for the Lord to speak to her about His plans for her life and the baby's.

On my knees....waiting on the Lord. What more can I do?

Sadly, No News

Another Friday with no concrete news. (Insert long, heavy sigh here)
I have to say I was really hoping to have good news today on both adoption fronts - international and domestic - instead it is another Friday of uncertainty.
The birth mom that is considering me did meet with two families this week and she was not impressed, but she has decided to meet with one more before making her decision and apparently there may be a family member that would like to adopt in addition to this family she will meet tomorrow.
As I said in my IA blog - living with uncertainty is exhausting.
I'm trying to remain hopeful and I definitely trust in God's timing. I am also exhausted -physically and emotionally.
I know this will all be worth it someday. I will look back and know that the wait was just a small part of the journey to the family that the Lord intends for me, but right now....well I'm just sad and lonely. (Long, heavy sigh)

Still Being Considered

I've met with the birth mom I mentioned in my previous post for a second time. Let me just say, I really like her. She is someone I would pick to be a friend.
This second meeting we talked for about 2 1/2 hours - she told me more of her story and I was able to meet her other two children (I met the baby the first time) - watching her interact with her older two children was really precious - she is very kind, but firm. Clearly she adores them.
I should know by the end of next week whether or not she has chosen me to parent.
Butterflies!
Lots of them....
Praying for wisdom...
Praying for direction for both of us...
Praying for this little baby girl's health and continued development...
So many things to consider...

Being Considered

To my great surprise, I am being considered as a potential adoptive parent (PAP) by a birth mom who is due in December.

Oh my goodness! Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I may have the opportunity to bring a sweet little bundle of joy home from the hospital! I'm not sure why, but I just never imagined that anyone would pick me. HMMMM maybe I need to exercise some "confidence" in that area. (I just posted about that on my other blog - find that entry here)

Anyhow, more news to follow as things continue to unfold.

Still Waiting

I think waiting may be a new four letter word in my book! UGH! No new news to post. Another sibling pair was referred to me - again a brother sister duo. I told my agency that after much prayer I have decided I will consider sibs, but they would have to be sisters. They will have to share a room and social services only allows that until the children are four years old. So, unfortunately, a brother sister combo wouldn't work very well in my house.
May have some other news to post later this week....stay tuned on a developing story :-)
Here's to a restful Labor Day

Waiting....yet again

No news to post. It has been almost as quiet on the domestic adoption front for me as it is on the international adoption front.
Long sigh....
I'm leaving for vacation on Monday. Headed out to Maui - you know where the hurricane is heading! Not sure what all of this means about my luck these days! :-)
Good thing I don't really believe in luck!

A Sad Decision

Well, after much prayer, I came to the conclusion that I cannot parent three children on my own. And so, I sent the very sad email to my caseworker to let her know that I cannot pursue the referral of siblings at this time. She is so sweet and I wanted to share part of her email response to me.

She writes, "As I say to all our families, the child you eventually say "yes" to will have needed you every bit as much as any you say "no" to. There are reportedly 750 kids available for adoption in Colorado on any given day, and you can't take all of them!"

I pray that all 750 kids find loving homes quickly!

Three Children???

I received a call from my agency today. My caseworker wanted to know if I would consider siblings? A four year old boy and a two year old girl! My heart is so excited and yet terrified at the same time. Can I parent three children? (I still hope to bring home Hannah) Sadly, my biggest concern is, can I financially afford to parent three children? When I take the finances question out of the decision - my answer is absolutely!
Lord, give me wisdom and discernment. I want to walk the path You have set before me! I know Your heart is for the orphan. Have You called me to be a family of four? I'm listening, Lord.

Homestudy Update Approved

I received a very happy email in my inbox today - here it is :-)

Your home study update for the Waiting Child program has been approved, and we've begun looking for a child or children for you. We're delighted to be working with you!

Woo hoo!

Adoptive Parent Infant/Child Safety & CPR - Check

Last night I attended a three hour course, specifically for adoptive parents, about child safety and CPR. It was a great class offered at Parker Adventist Hospital. It was so nice to take the class with other PAP's (prospective adoptive parents). The woman who taught the class is an adoptive mom (AP) of three kiddos. It was so nice to have someone who really understands what it's like to adopt. One of the couples in the class is adopting through the waiting child program with my same agency - Adoption Alliance - what a small world.
I learned a bunch - including what to do if a child is choking - which is one of my biggest fears. While I would still be afraid if it happened in my presence, I would now know what to do and that does give me some peace.
One more "to do" item crossed off my list! Woot!

Home Study - Check!

Well, I spoke with my social worker today and she has turned in the first draft of my home study. Can I get a woo hoo?

There is so much paperwork on this journey!

Hopefully by Friday, it will be final and my agency will begin considering matching a waiting child with me! I'm so excited, I've got butterflies in my stomach. I cannot wait to meet this little one that the Lord has in mind for me.

Tomorrow night I'm off to learn about child CPR and first aid - it's the last - OK not likely last, but "last for now" hoop I need to jump through.

New Blog

I've been thinking I need a place to begin chronicling (is that a word?) my second and concurrent adoption of a little girl from the domestic waiting child program.

Stay tuned for more info....