If you had asked me before E. came home if I struggle with pride or selfishness I probably would have said no - I'm a pretty humble person and in general pretty generous. Four weeks later and ask me again - my answer - uh huh! Yeah, I do. The Lord is definitely working humility and servanthood or sacrifice into my heart in all kinds of new ways. This little person who has just uprooted herself and moved half way around the world is undeniably, all-consuming and understandably, one big ball of need. Even with all of my training and experience there are so many times when I just don't know what to do or how to help her. My internal reactions sometimes feel selfish and stingy. And there are parts of me (the prideful ones) that just don't want to admit that I don't know what to do or that I feel this selfish. The ugly parts of yourself show up when you parent, don't they? And so, I felt compelled to mention it here....confession is good for the soul.
I really wouldn't have expected this and definitely wouldn't ask to learn these lessons, but I'm also really grateful for God's kindness, patience and mercy toward me as I grow in humility and willingness to sacrifice.