It was lightly snowing as I arrived in your city. What a beautiful city. I hope that you and I will be able to visit together someday - in the spring, preferably :)
We went to the adoption center first to sign some paperwork and receive my invitation to visit you. I was full of anticipation.
It was a short drive from the adoption center to the Infant Home. My coordinator tells me this is the best one in the region...that is encouraging to hear. They usher me into the music room and tell me I would be meeting first with the director and doctors who know all about you. After a few minutes of waiting, a wonderful surprise - in you walk, wearing the prettiest bow in your hair, holding tightly to the hand of a caregiver. It's clear she is one of your favorites - you cling to her and she is such a warm woman - all smiles. She'd be one of my favorites too. I can tell you are very anxious. I wish I knew what she was saying to you - from the tone of her voices I can tell she is reassuring you, telling you it is OK, this is your mama. She wants you to feel comfortable around me.
One of my favorites at the infant home is the music teacher - she is a delight. Warm, and friendly, lots of smiles - she seems to genuinely care about you. She sings to you and encourages you to sing and dance with her. She gathers some of your favorite toys for us to play with together. Later in the day, when I asked about earlier pictures of you she searches her computer to find some :) I must learn her name and take a picture of the two of you when I return.
I know this was such a stressful day for you - so many eyes watching us, so many voices pressuring you to warm up to me - quickly. I wish they would all just leave us alone and let us get to know each other. They pressure me too, to try and hold you, to sit right next to you, to take you from their arms. I am certain you do not trust me - why should you? We've just met and you can't understand a word I try to say to you. Your caregiver tries to get you to dance and sing with her - it's very sweet really. You just stare at her - I'm guessing you must be thinking "are you crazy lady?" :)
I love your sweet pouty face. You pout often during our visits today - when they tell you to smile for the camera, when they encourage you to play with me, to sit with me, to let me hold you. You break into tears each time your caregivers try to sneak out of the room. I wish I could scoop you up and comfort you, but today you are just too frightened of me. I am actually encouraged by this - it's normal to be shy around strangers and today that is what we are. I am hopeful as I watch you interact lovingly with your caregivers. It is a good sign that you are able to attach and I am excited to think of beginning our life together. A life as mother and daughter. I will be back. I'm praying for you everyday. I'm asking the Lord to surround you with His love, to prepare your sweet little heart to leave the only home you've known. I am asking Him to prepare both of our hearts to bond with each other. I'm asking Him to send His angels to minister to you while you wait. To pour His love into your heart while you wait. To protect you from any harm.
You smiled at me a few times today - it is a beautiful smile - full of life and spunk! I cannot wait to get to know you more. To watch you giggle and laugh and run and play.