I don't know how else to say it, the first few months home were just plain hard! So much to learn about each other. So many new things to learn about being a mommy....about being a daughter...not that we don't both still have much to learn, but it really feels like we are getting to the good stuff!
I was laying next to E. this evening and I realized that I find myself laughing more, smiling more, relaxing more, just enjoying her company more.
I don't think I had fairy tale views of what being a family formed by adoption would be like, but I don't think I expected it to be so hard to fall in love. I thought it would just happen....quickly. I loved E. in a commitment sense from day one! The kind of love that says no matter what, I'm here. No matter what, I won't give up. No matter what, I'm in this forever. But the mushy part - the googly eyed love part - that has been slow to develop. I guess because, well - I don't really know why. But, in all honesty it has.
Well, I'm happy to say that it's here. I get all teary when she smiles at me...when she calls me mommy....when she squeezes my neck and hugs me as tight as she can....whenever she giggles....when she asks me to "kickle me"(aka tickle me)....what a sweet life. I am so grateful I didn't miss out on this!
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Oh so happy for you. Yes, the beginning is a struggle but it is oh so worth it. We have been at the mushy stage for a while but Hannah has been more mushy lately--maybe she got there later than me? Anyway--tonight as I was reading to her I started thinking back to those first few weeks and how different it was and what we got through to get to where we are today. But..the frustrations keep getting les and the joys keep getting more.
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