I have prayerfully made a decision - it isn't an easy one and probably not a popular one, but I have decided that I cannot parent these two little girls on my own. If I could just care for one of the girls it would be a whole different story, but the two of them together is just way more than I can do alone. Their trauma history is significant, their need is so great and I am just one mom. I am sure there are other moms out there that could easily handle this - but I am not the one.
I realize I'm not doing any of this alone - the Lord is my strength! But I also have felt such peace since I made the decision that I know it is the right one.
I've been praying that the Lord would not let me have peace if I made the wrong choice....that if I was just making a decision out of overwhelm or fear the He would make that clear to me through discomfort with my decision (you know, like the kind you have when you know you are supposed to speak to someone you don't want to speak with or you are supposed to say something to someone that you are afraid to say). Well, once I really let myself say out loud that two is just too much for me, the only thing I felt was relief and peace. And it lasted all day long as I continued to pray about it. Even when I told my social worker tonight about my decision I continued to feel peace. She wasn't too thrilled at first and clearly tried to talk me out of deciding after only week, but as she asked me some more questions she seemed to realize that I wasn't just making a snap decision and she became supportive. This was really helpful as well.
They will be staying a few weeks and I am loving being with them and consider it a privilege to minister to them while they are with me.
I am trusting and praying that the Lord has just the perfect home for the girls and just the perfect little girl for my home.