These last few weeks have been full of drama - the drama of international adoption! And I have to admit as I've talked to God about it, I've spoken the words "just forget it! it's too hard!".
As I was swimming laps earlier this week, and complaining to the Lord in prayer about a new set of paperwork needed before trip one, I very clearly heard (now don't freak out, I don't mean audibly - I heard in my spirit) the Lord say to me "don't shrink back". These words hit me between the eyes and instantly brought both relief and a bit of confession - sorry, I'm such a whiner Lord!
The women's Bible study that I co-lead with a dear friend has been focused on the New Testament book of Hebrews. In chapter 10 the author reminds the readers of the ways they have faced very difficult times and remained joyful and confident in their trust of the Lord, with that in mind, he challenges them not to shrink back now with a new set of difficult circumstances - in fact, he tells them the Lord will "take no pleasure in the ones who shrink back!"
I think that is what I have been tempted to do - shrink back - give up the fight. It has been such a long and painful journey to this point and yet I see God's fingerprints all over it - I know He has been guiding me, He has never left me and has not forgotten me. And hearing this reminder not to shrink back strengthens my resolve to go the distance in this.
My dear friend Delene, from Zimbabwe, who has lived through her share of very difficult and painful circumstances, told me this summer that she is resolved to "let each moment unfold". It's her way of saying she is living in the present. Those sweet words came back to me as I went to my Bible study to see what else the Lord might be saying to me about not shrinking back. I think I am to let each moment unfold - trusting that the Lord is working out His plan for my life and my new little angel's life
Even though I have no idea when or if I will be invited to travel, and it seems clear that she won't be home before next year - I am committed to letting life unfold - to drink in all the sweetness and heartache each moment may have to offer - trusting that no matter my circumstances - no matter what unfolds - God is good.